Star Wars: Revelations

1. Star Wars: Revelations, a not-for-profit fan made film based on the Star Wars universe is impressive, to say the least. At roughly 45min in length, it’s not a short film, and given the number of special effects shots involved it must have been a production nightmare. The look of the film is very Star Wars, from the 3D models to the costumes to the landscapes. A very professional production which stays true to the Star Wars theme and universe….

2. …which is to say it has some of the worst acting, uninspired writing and tepid direction I have ever seen in any movie. Seriously, the lines were about as bad as what came out of Hayden Christensen’s mouth in Episode 2, the characters more lifeless, and a director who needs to watch Star Wars a few more times before he tries this again. Think “Days of Our Lives: Star Wars Special” and you’d pretty much have it. It’s bloody obvious the actors were working to a green screen, because they seemed not to have any sense of where their characters were — in one scene the three main characters where flying for their lives, pursued by waves of imperial fighters, yet not one of them showed any sign of stress. Lines are delivered with a tone so flat that I was almost convinced the whole thing was a satirical take on how bad the acting was in the Star Wars movies. Not that it seemed any of the actors have watched Star Wars, since none of the characters moved the way their counter parts moved in the original (Darth Vader, I’m looking at you. What the fuck was with the finger waving?). Emotion of any kind also seemed out of the reach of the actors involved, possibly because none of them could visualise where their characters were during each scene.

3. Not that they had much to work with. The script was not even remotely close to Star Wars language, with none of the wry humour or heroic posturing of any of the original films. The direction was clumsy, with some excellent effects shots tied together with a hodge podge of derivative live action shots that varied from reasonable to mediocre. The editing was dull, the pace was slow, the action scenes were terrible. Where there should’ve been bared teeth snarling with hatred there was the flat look of I-don’t-really-know-what-I’m-doing-so-I’ll-just-keep-swinging-these-sticks-like-they-told-me-to. And if your actors can’t convincingly execute a lightsabre swinging fight scene, why on earth would you give then two lightsabres? They looked terrible! They looked like idiots! That poor kid who was swinging that broomstick pretending to be a Jedi did a better job than your actors! And here’s a hint — if they can’t fight and act at the same time, don’t do close-ups! For an idea of what to do hire The Bourne Supremacy and watch how they shot and cut the fight scenes — closely cropped and face paced with a lot of the body out of frame, neatly hiding any ungraceful movements.

4. A good story and inspired direction gives good performances. The story was good, the script sucked — but the total lack of direction given to the actors is what killed this for me. Truly hideous stuff. But download it anyway, it’s worth the effort. It’s a reminder of what people can do when they come together over something they love, and bugger the financial cost. It is truly inspirational, and gives a single finger salute to those (corporate pigfuckers) who think all creative works need to have a dollar sign attached.

Burns Update, 25/4/05

1. Lots and not much has gone on since the last update. She didn’t need a skin graft, and her hand is healing up nicely (bar the occasional picking of the wound and suffering the wrath of the nurses afterwards). The new skin is still very pink, and she will be getting this sillicon stuff that should help keep the skin from scarring, although it’s inevitable that some scarring will occur. From now on, there’s only physiotherapy once a month for the next three months and that’s it. Thank [insert whichever deity you choose to believe in] we live in a country with universal health care, we have not paid a single cent bar the painkillers on that first night. It’s nice to know someone wil look after you regardless if you can pay or not.

Matt’s Funeral

1. “It’s good to see you, just not like this.�

2. It has taken me a week to write this, it’s still hard to sort out my thoughts. The funeral was like any other funeral I suppose; as funerals go this one wasn’t so bad. Matt was certainly popular, hundreds of people were there from school, from the services, his mates and family. A whole bunch of the boys from school were there, lots of whom I had not seen since school finished. It was nice to see everyone.

3. Walking into that church was… it’s hard to describe. Sad, and strangely inevitable. That’s the word that comes to mind but I can’t explain why. The various speeches made stirred up a lot of memories that I had put away, particularly the cadet days. We did some awful things to people, bullied others incessantly, I feel a little bad for it now.

4. The wake was nice, got to speak to a lot of people who I’ve lost contact with. It was uplifting, seeing so many people reminisce and remember, getting plastered because that’s what Matt would’ve wanted. If he was there, he would’ve been embarrassed about all the attention he was getting. But, he would’ve loved it.

R.I.P. Matthew Goodall

1. Never is there a time more poignant, and more sad, than the passing of a friend. Lt. Matthew Goodall was a crew member on the Navy Sea King helicopter from the HMAS Kanimbla that crashed in Indonesia over the weekend. I had not seen him in a number of years now, but we were friends at school. We were both in the school band, and we were both Air Force Cadets. As time passed he pursued his military career and I music and other creative endeavours. At school he would regularly hassle me for my microwaved chinese left-over lunches, and I’d hassle him for being uncultured, over a mostly friendly game of 500. I would not see him again until a few years later, at a party. He had graduated from the Australian Defense Force Academy, was stationed in Sydney, and was obviously enjoying the Navy life. It’s hard to reconcile those memories with what has been reported — indeed all I know of his death has been through the media. But he died doing what he always wanted to, and he died helping strangers in dire need; surely there is no task more noble than to sacrifice oneself for others. He will be sorely missed, particularly by his family and those close to him, but also by those less close, for whom the tyranny of time and distance has taken a toll. You will be missed, but never forgotten.